wet birds don't fly at night |

Okay a few days ago I had mentioned something that I had found out/confirmed something that was weighing heavy on my mind. I didn’t know whether to share this or not, but I have been transparent thus far, and this is how I cope. Let me say right up front that I don’t blame or condemn anyone for what happened. We are all a screwed-up people, and we are doing the best we can. I guess I can best tell this through the emails that were exchanged (with names obscured). The first email is to my mother’s best friend who I found on Facebook (I didn’t know how to contact her until then). I am named after her. (My mother has been deceased for a decade now):

Hi ****, it is great to hear from you. I don’t know if you know but my father passed away as well a few years ago. The question may seem odd, but it was something I had told myself that I was going to inquire about after my dad was gone, but I didn’t know how to contact you. My mom sometimes did things she shouldn’t, and one of those things was to tell me when I was fifteen years old that my dad wasn’t really my dad, and she was pregnant with me and tricked him into marrying her. That is not something to lay on a fifteen year old, and I never forgot it. I never asked her about it further and didn’t tell anyone until after my father was gone because he didn’t need to know that, it would have hurt him too much. But now, I wonder if that was true, and if so, if anyone knows who my father is. I figured of all people she might have told, it would be you. She didn’t ever mention this to my sister. I think my dad suspected because there are no recessive genes in his family and as such, I should not have had green eyes and blonde hair.

Anyways this has bothered me for over twenty-five years now, so I wanted to ask. Maybe she never told anyone but me. She should never have told me. It kinda screwed me up for a while.

Her response:

I am sorry to hear that your dad passed away, I always liked *** – - and how is *** and your ****?
Anyway I am sorry I did not get back to you sooner, I had exercises ****and food shopping, and other errands to do.
In a million years I would have never figured you would ask me that question – -I had completely forgotten – what I can tell you is that your mom told me the same story years ago. He was from ****, I believe and she never told me his name, I did not know him, he did have blonde hair. I cant even remember how she met him, but I don’t believe that they had any kind of relationship, she was on and off with ****, she probably figured the best thing to do was to marry him.
**** was and will always be your father, he loved you and never questioned your mom about you having light eyes or hair. Your mom made some foolish mistakes, but she loved you – -[personal information deleted]
I am sad for you because your mom never should have told you at fifteen and not give you a name . I also am surprised she did not tell your sister, she was close to her, maybe you can approach her again, and that far back I’m wondering if she told *****, she used to talk to him from time to time. Confession is good for the soul, but should not be at the expense of others.- It was a hard decision for me to tell you also, but I think you have the right to know, I hope you can deal with this and realize that both your parents did love you – - If you need to email me to talk about it, you can. I’m just sorry I don’t have more info for you —

I didn’t think this would upset me. I guess I didn’t really believe it. Now, I feel like I don’t really know who I am, where I am from…. do I have other siblings? I cried and cried after receiving this email.