wet birds don't fly at night |

Well as usual, his attorney ignored my requests to try to resolve the issue prior to hearing, so I had to file another motion. This time though his attorney didn’t outright ignore me, he just went off on rabbit trails that had nothing to do with the hearing and then had the nerve to complain when I kept insisting he deal with the issue by claiming that I email too much! If he just would stop playing games I wouldn’t be having to email him so often. Believe me, no offense, but he is the next to last person I want to be dealing with, with his client being the absolute last.

So before I got the truck, I said to a good friend of mine, “I bet he is delaying because he is going to do something to the truck.” I was close to being spot on. I discovered on Wednesday, after driving the truck for three days, that the mongrel removed the tag and registration—of course without telling me. Now get this, the truck is titled and registered in both of our names. We both have a legal right to the tag and registration. He had no right to remove it from the vehicle, in fact, it may even have been illegal for him to do so without my consent. His attorney refuses to answer the question of why or even try to work something out, so I have to bother the Court with the babyish nonsense.

I am also tired of protecting him. If you knew what he did for a living you would be shocked and disgusted, and he obviously doesn’t care and flaunts it since I am not talking about things he did at the beginning but stopped acting like a child. He continues. The drunken rant was not even a week ago.

Well I took off the bandage. I really think that I need stitches. Will call my doctor today…. don’t have the money. Maybe if I scrounge all of my credit cards together I will have the co-pay.

My husband pulled a really crappy move again. I am trying to resolve it with his attorney, if not, I will post about it.

This man is no Christian.

Well I got the Order from the Court yesterday, and his attorney through up enough smoke to cloud the issue, and right now, he is not ordered to pay any monetary support. Well, that’s not precisely true, he is currently paying my attorney’s bill and a minor pre-separation expense. I received the truck which was the most important thing I wanted. So like a good Judge, he made a good compromise which inevitably leaves both sides not entirely happy, but able to live with it. I like this Judge.

Now, since I believe that the Judge did not get the complete picture, and by next month I will be defaulting on bills, I am preparing a revised Motion to be heard after the expiration of yet another settlement offer I made. I can tell you this, when choosing which bills to default on, it won’t be the ones in which only my credit will be affected. If he wants to abandon his bills, he will pay the credit piper before I do. Obviously I will do my best not to default on anything, but if I have to choose, he isn’t going to get off scott-free. Nope. Ain’t gonna happen.

On another note, my finger is now infected. Typing is a real bear. I am going to slather with Neosporin and hydrogen peroxide tonight, but if it doesn’t clear up, I will need to go to the doctor. I don’t have the $35 co-payment though until the first of March. I think I can get it to clear up though on my own, and worse comes to worse, I will go the emergency room where I can’t be turned away.

No, I haven’t gotten the Order from the Court. But I view divorce as something in the realm of covenant and God, at least in the aspect that I am talking about, and not in the realm of the State. The State has to issue its Order to severe certain privileges it grants to married couples and for either of us to be recognized as married to another by the State.

But is that all that marriage is? No. And what marriage is or is not exists outside of the State. Up until that hearing, and then that drunken phone call, the door to reconciliation was open on my end. I had never heard directly from him as to his opinion on the matter until that phone call at which time he told me that he has no desire to reconcile and has found someone else. That settled it. The door for this marriage is shut. Now, that doesn’t mean we could never ever be together. I don’t think we will, but if we did, we would have to get remarried. After much soul-searching, I am free, regardless of whether or not the State has done its part. We personally have divorced each other. I think that explains why I felt no real jealousy or anger when he said he found someone else. I already accepted and knew he was free to. Of course, if I said I felt nothing, I wouldn’t be human. But I certainly didn’t feel like he betrayed our marriage—because we aren’t married any longer. Legally we are separated. Covenantally we are divorced.

If I am asked out on a date, I am free to go. He is free to ask a girl out. It’s over. It should be legally over, but I know that is due to no fault of my own. The delay is solely on his part. More specifically on his lawyer’s part because I can tell from that phone call that he wants to settle. His lawyer must be advising him not to, and not being legally sophisticated, he is probably just going along with what his lawyer advises. The lawyer needs to be out of the picture, and we need to settle this like two adults. I think the Judge would appreciate for once, two grown persons coming in and saying, you know what, we decided to ditch the lawyers, and here is what we agree upon. Have him sign the Order, and we go on with our lives.

If he ever decides he wants me back, he has to court me all over again. I don’t think he has any interest in that, I am just saying that as a matter of fact.

It is so sad that things ended this way. I had loved him more than life himself. He will never find another woman who loves him as much as I did or who would have stood by him through all that I did. He lied to me many times that he doesn’t know I know about. I stood by him. He thinks he snowed me with those few times, but he didn’t. He was in a very bad accident a few years back, and I remember the call from his friend that I had to go to the hospital as he was hurt and flinging myself on him in the x-ray room, he still was covered in blood. They wouldn’t give him pain medications under they could determine exactly what was damaged. Right now he has no one who would have stayed him through that time all the way through recovery. Certainly not someone who doesn’t have the two decades I had invested.

I remember vividly one day we were in the bedroom—hanging out in the room and sleeping was the BEST—and he was in the bathroom talking about some of his horndog friends and how they razz him about not taking advantage of some of the opportunities he had in his prior job to cheat, and he said that he was not stupid, he knows he has a good thing and why would he throw nearly twenty years away. Why indeed. Now, he changed careers, tasted a little bit of power, a lot of booze, and he throws it all away. He will never find happiness in this job. And while I wish him blessings in general, I don’t for this job that he let take away our marriage while he gladly took all of my retirement fund to pay for his schooling, and he refuses to pay me back. I pray only misery and curses for him in this job. I will not do anything to him to try to get him fired, and I have not (unless he forces me to by daring to sue me to slander, I will do whatever I have to to defend myself against that last straw of abuse) to this day. But I think he should be. I wish him utter misery in this job that defiled God’s holy institution. I don’t wish him harm (there is an element of danger in his job, and I certainly pray for his safety), but I want all of his happiness gone when it comes to that evil. It is the biblical principle of sowing and reaping. I curse the fig tree of that job. I curse the fig tree of his profane friendship with the evil heathen meddler and accuser of the brethren. And I don’t mean that hyperbolically. I pray for God’s curses on these things. I pray he finds NO spiritual peace until he repents to me. Any peace he finds would be false anyways, perhaps in his “friend’s” false religion of Islam (well Islam of convenience, the guy can’t even practice Islam properly beyond abstaining from pork), because the Bible says so. You cannot go to the altar while your brother or sister in the Lord has a just cause against you.

Later I put a sewing machine needle through my finger… while sewing with the machine. I have a much healthier respect for the machine right now.

I fell today on some wet tile and threw my back out. It feels better now, but I had to stay home from work. I think about the twenty years I spent with him, for the most part making more money, so he could (for reasons I am not going to say here) just rot in a dead end job until finally when he hit the big 40 he decides to get a career, and then dump his first wife. My body is freakin’ wrecked from those years of working for his behind. In one way, I almost wish I would be unable to work to force him to due his duty and give me the proper support that I need for my years of devotion.

Our marital laws suck.

Of course, no one really wants to be disabled, so that thought vanishes as soon as I have it, but a part of it sees it as justice to his effeminate irresponsibility. People think effeminate means only homosexual, no. He is definitely NOT homosexual by ANY stretch of the imagination. But a man who is no man is effeminate in my book. There are homosexual men who are much more real men than many heterosexual men when it comes to accepting masculine responsibility.

I am just marinating in the way he just casually dropped to me, with the intent to hurt, that he is “with someone else.” I don’t know whether it is true or not. And I know he will eventually be with someone else if not now, then later. But twenty years… after twenty years he just casually flings that at me. I too will find someone else, but it will be a matter of utmost gravity–and I would never just casually fling that at him. I would approach the issue with tact and compassion. It will hurt me to tell him. Twenty years. Are some tears more bitter than others? These sting literally when they come out.

What precisely is his malfunction? He comes to my house this evening AFTER 9pm in the company of the ***** Police Department, who pound on my door and repeatedly ring the bell, to deliver the truck. The neighbors will all now will wondering what the heck was going on that police needed to be at my house, wasted taxpayer money, and disturbed my peace. He may not understand this, but to the average person, having the police come to their door at night is frightening. So two nights in a row, I am given quite a scare by your client thinking that someone I knew was hurt. Further, he told the officers that he had a no contact order. He does not. Why did he lie? Could I get away with lying like the police like that so that I could have them pound on someone’s door and scare the crap out of someone? (note: the officers had no intention to scare anyone, officers just aggressively knock)

But what I do want to know is why didn’t he give the officers my phone number to call ahead and make sure that I would be ready? I wasn’t even presentable. I was asleep on the couch with the parrot he abandoned, and the poor bird was scared out of her feathers.

My husband calls me last night abusive and smashed. Apparently I got to him at Court as he didn’t like the way I was able to handle his lawyer. He claimed to have a girlfriend (I doubt it, but God I hope so because a girl will nag his to death to get this over with), though when he said he was “with someone,” I had to bite my tongue to avoid saying one of the following:

What’s his name?
How did [insert name of his heathen room mate who has a man-crush on him] take it?
Please send her my deepest condolences.

He called about fifteen times and hung up because he didn’t want to leave a message alternating between the house phone and my cell phone. The only reason I picked up is because after so many times I thought maybe there was a medical emergency or something. Every since he [there was an accident he was involved in a few years ago] that time, I get real jumpy over phone calls.

So he ranted about how he was going to force me to file bankruptcy. Irrational. I told him he couldn’t force me to do a thing any more, those days were over. Then he said he just wanted to work out a settlement. I asked him if he read the last offer I made to his attorney at which point I was treated to a nice rant in which “duck” (actually his word started with “f,” so you get the picture) was the third word in every sentence. I gathered from that he hadn’t read it or didn’t understand it. I tried to explain it to him, but he wasn’t sensible, so I told him he was going to stop cussing and that I didn’t appreciate him being drunk. He got outraged that I would dare say he was drunk, the fact that his was slurring his words was something normal I guess. I told him that I might have been apart from him for six months but I can still tell by the first sentence when he’s been drinking. At which point he wish me to have intercourse with an identified subject (sentence fragment), in other words, he said, “duck you” and hung up.

I think he expected me to call or text him back. If so, he was sorely disappointed. What I did do is write his attorney to give an account of the drunken call and invite him to set up a settlement conference for next week since apparently his client is more sensible drunk and wants to settle.

And that was that.

Oh, and he is trying to avoid giving me the truck despite the Court’s Order. I was supposed to have it by yesterday. I will be hand-delivering a letter to the Court Monday. Of course I will mention the drunken phone call after midnight and the high anxiety it was starting to produce, and how it fits with the phony text message.

I haven’t cried since. Maybe the tears are coming but right now I just feel slimed by the alcohol induced rant. I guess being apart hasn’t changed his alcoholic ways though I am sure he justifies it by saying, well, he will quit when we are divorced. I doubt it.

I think he now knows for sure I am a different woman. I certainly didn’t act the way he thought I would which is why he hung up in frustration.

Now let’s settle, so he can go to his imaginary girlfriend.

I don’t doubt he will get a girlfriend, he is a cutie with the sexiest butt in town, but not in the emotional shape he is in right now. Unless it is some desperate girl with no standards, at which case, I hope he uses a raincoat (abstinence is not his thing–I think Christianity will go by the wayside in that as well) so that he doesn’t get an STD. He is spoiled after twenty years of faithful marriage despite his accusations. His own cistern only gave him pure water, no filter required.

And this girl isn’t going to be going around watering anyone but a lawfully wed husband.

As Beyonce says, if you like it then you’d better put a ring on it.

What inspired my rant earlier? An insightful comment by a girlfriend. I was expressing to her that this man wanted to shut me up from saying even the most vague things about deeply painful things he has done to me. She said that you have to speak up otherwise you die inside.

She nailed it. His continued manipulation and attempts to silence even the small voice I am exercising are killing me inside. I can’t play that game anymore. I can’t.